And Baby Makes 4

I haven't kept up with this blog in the least bit. After writing my last post over a year ago, we met with a new RE and decided to try on our own a bit more, and lo and behold, we were given a miracle. At the end of October 2009, I randomly tested and got a BFP. We were given another miracle to cherish and we like to think that this one was sent down to us from my husband's mother-in-law who passed away two weeks before our BFP. Our little boy, Shane, was born on July 2, 2010 and is already 4 months old and the size of a six month old. This journey to be where we are today as a family was filled with so much sorrow, but I can say that the happiness truly outweighs the trying times we had. I still look back at our journey and wonder how we got here and I'm not going to lie, I still have those little bits of pain that come along every once in awhile when I a friend announces they're pregnant. But no one knows everyone's stories, I have to remind myself. And while some of our close family and friends know our story or parts of it, no one knows how anyone truly feels until they have gone through it themselves. I am truly blessed to have this family and can only hope that somehow, someway my story helps others along the way. We by no means had it as difficult as some couples, but our story is one that shows that hope is out there. I'm not sure if I'll keep this blog going much. We have a blog for Paige and will probably start one for Shane or a family one in the coming months. I'm grateful for all the support I have gotten over the past few years. We truly are blessed.

No Surprise for Us

I can't believe I'm saying this, but we're ready for another baby. Last month I called the GYN doc to get a script for Provera, because guess what? Still no period since I stopped breastfeeding. I thought maybe I just needed a jumpstart and maybe this month would be different, but no signs of ovulation and still no signs of AF (and of course a negative pregnancy test). So, back the RE we go. Since we moved, we'll be starting with a new doctor. I'm not sure how things will work this time around. I'm not sure if we'll have to redo all the tests and wait several months to start treatment or if we jump right in. I'm not sure which way I'd like for it to happen. Part of me would like some testing done to see if maybe we could find a cause so that if there is a next time, we know whats actually wrong. But part of me would like to jump right in. I'm still very uneasy about all of the treatments and hoping this appointment brings me some peace of mind. I really felt comfortable at our last RE and hope that there will be some comfort with this as well. Having a baby should not be this hard. And I'm feeling quite resentful today about all of this. Its probably because I tested today and because all the pain is coming pouring back. This feeling is one I wanted to avoid. I have a baby girl and want her to have my time and attention. I don't want to be distracted with the pain of negative pregnancy tests and all of the tests and drugs that go along with IF. I'm hoping its just a blah day because if I continue to have this feeling, I don't know if I'll want to continue on this path. And I so want to give my baby girl a little sister or brother. We had a picnic this weekend and there was another baby here and she just was having so much fun playing with him and climbing up on him. I can see my little girl being a big sister and I want so badly to see that happen. I can only hope that this new RE gives me a good feeling and a good plan that I can jump on board with. Please pass any good thoughts you can to us on Monday.

Our 3 Year Anniversary

Wow, I can't believe its been three years since Patrick and I got married...well, I lie, a part of me can believe it. Its been a long three years in terms of where we are now. After we got married, we got consumed with having a baby after just a few months. We were so naive then. We were planning which month we wanted to get pregnant so we would have our baby at just the right time of the year. Little did we know the journey that we would take these first three years of our marriage. Infertility has affected our lives in more ways than we ever could have imagined. It could have affected our marriage in so many different ways, but I think we did the best we could have with the hand we were dealt. We've grown closer than I ever could have imagined. Infertility has left me with such an amazing relationship with my husband. It is not something I would wish for ever, but I can see how we've grown together and how his love and support has strengthened us. Patrick is such an amazing husband and father. When I look back over these past three years and the joy and the pain we've experienced, the joyful and fun memories by far outweigh the pain. I'm sure its alot easier since we have our beautiful daughter with us, and that this blog would be much different today if we were still trying. But we were lucky, we are lucky. We've been blessed to have such an amazing life together. And I know we'll still have our tough times and fights, but its amazing to me that after everything we've been through, we're in such a great place in our life together. This gives me hope that we can accomplish anything together and that our marriage will continue to flourish. Happy Anniversary to Us!

In other not so sappy news, we're buying a house. We're supposed to close in 2 weeks. Everything seems to be on schedule. The house is in Slatedale, PA - about 20 minutes from my family. Its such a beautiful house and as my mom said, "is so you." Its an old Victorian house with three bedrooms, a sunroom, 1.5 baths and a nice size side yard.Its on its own little island with side roads surrounding it but no houses right next to it. Its the perfect house for our family to grow in. We're so excited!

Paige celebrated her 6 month birthday yesterday as well. She is getting so big. For those of you who don't check her blog, she is rolling everywhere and starting to crawl backwards. She is so active and inquisitive and just wants to go, go, go. She amazes me everyday. She just loves life! And we love her!!

Life with Paige

I know I haven't posted on here in awhile. I've actually started a blog just for Paige: paigeeireland.blogspot.com. I'm just not ready for my entire family to know our entire journey. Most of them know we had trouble, but some of the things we went through, I just don't know if I want to share with everyone. It was my journey with my husband and writing about it was my outlet during that time.

For those of you who want to know about me and our journey, I'll try to keep updating. Originally, Patrick and I had plans of trying for number two almost right away, which would probably be now. But we've decided that its just not what we want to do right now for several reasons. The main reason is Paige. She is so amazing and I love her more than I ever thought possible. We want our time with her and its no fair to start trying, possibly start treatments again, and bring a new baby into our lives so quickly. She deserves our time and we have time to give. We're not old enough to be worrying about this. Yes, we want to be young parents, but we have a year or so to spare. Secondly, the economy. It sucks and in our industries, the economy seriously affects us. If one of us lost our job, we would definitely struggle financially. Finally, being a parent is tough - much harder than we thought. I couldn't imagine being pregnant and having Paige and then having two under two. It would be difficult.

So, we're taking our time and enjoying this amazing little one!

Birth Story

Life with Paige has been super busy, but completely amazing. I wanted to right down a quick birth story.

It all started on Monday, December 1st. I went in for my regular NST and some bloodwork (since at the last appt b/p was elevated more than usual and we were going to schedule induction for that Thursday). My bloodpressure on Monday was 170/100 and was not going down. So the doctor sent us right over to the hospital for induction. We were not prepared at all, since we figured things would just wait til later in the week. I called my mom and she met us at the hospital and Patrick went to get tour bags.

It took forever for things to get started since they had to do more bloodwork and wait on the results. Finally, at 2pm we started the gel to ripen my cervix, since I was only 1 cm dilated. This would take 12 hrs and they we would start the pitocin at 2am in the morning. We started the gel, but also had to start an IV of potassium (which burns like wouldn't believe...I had to have it diluted and slower, so it took double the time, but was worth it so I wasn't in agony) and an IV of magnesium, since my levels were really low. The next 12 hrs went by really slowly and with all the monitoring and things going on, it was hard to get any rest. At 2am, they checked me and I was only 2cm dilated. They were about to start the pitocin when the doctor changed his mind and decided to start another med to ripen my cervix more. This was only supposed to take 2 hrs this time. So by around 5am, they checked me again and I was still only 3-4cm, but they started the pitocin. At some point later in the morning, contractions were getting stronger and I was in pretty much pain, so I asked for the epidural. Within the hour they had my epidural started and within an hour, it stopped working. They came and checked it and couldn't find a problem at first except for some drainage. Every time they readjusted it, it would work for a 1/2 hr and then stop working. This continued for awhile until hey decided to try to take it out and put it back in. Again this worked for a 1/2 hour and then stopped. By this time, it was like 4-5pm. The resident checked me and I was only 6 cm dilated. I had no progress over several hours. At this point, the resident and the nurse decided it was time for a c-section and I completely agreed. We just need to wait for my doctor to arrive.

Once the doctor got to the hospital, the anesthesiologists had to decide what to do for pain. They had to decide between the epidural (which still wasn't working), a spinal and putting me under. They decided they couldn't do a spinal because of the drainage from the epidural and some other reasons I don't remember. They decided to try the epidural with a stronger med. Luckily, it worked for the most part. Because it was stronger, I was able to lay on the side where the epidural wasn't working at all, so the meds could get there. This worked, so we were good to go. My mom got dressed to go into the OR with me (Patrick didn't think he could deal with the blood and such) and he was able to go to the nursery and wait for Paige. Things went great from there on. I don't remember much except seeing Paige and kissing her. Then they took her away and Patrick was able to be with her and let all the grandparents see her. Once I was stitched up, I went back to our room and they eventually brought Paige in for me to feed her. She was so perfect. After 31 hours of labor, I had our miracle baby. She was born at 6lb. 5 ounces. and 20 inches. She was so tiny, but she has the longest toes ever. It was hard not being able to get up and get her, but Patrick was amazing with her. He changed all the diapers and walked and rocked her when she needed to be comforted. It killed me to hear her cry, but he got her to calm down like he'd been a father forever. It was so natural for him and he looks so cute with her. Paige also did great with breastfeeding right away. When we left the hospital on Friday (yes we were there for over 90 hours), she was down to 6lbs - but by Monday (6 days), she was back up to 6lb. 6 ounces already.

Paige is absolutely amazing and we are so in love! Thanks for all the support through this journey. We'll continue to update with more stories about Paige Eireland.

37w1d - Preeclampsia

So I went for my weekly appointment on Monday and things got a little hectic. My fluid check was good and baby was moving perfectly for the NST. But my bloodpressure was really high, protein in my urine and my relfexs were hyperactive. This means that I have preeclampsia. Doctor immediately put me on bedrest and assured me that since I am full term now, everything will be fine. But yesterday I started getting the headaches that come with the high b/p and my b/p was even higher than it was on Monday. So I went in for a check and they sent me to L&D to get bloodwork done, since the tests they ran on Monday wouldn't be back until the end of the week and they wanted to get the results back stat to see what was going on. Luckily, the b/w came back pretty good and my b/p started coming down a little. I'm still having a constant headache that doesn't go away and my b/p is borderline high. But for now I'm sitting tight until my appointment tomorrow - my regular NST and now b/p check. I'm hoping if its still high, we'll get some answers about the next steps and that I won't have to wait to meet with a doctor on Monday. I'd hate to go all weekend feeling like this and being worried. Just when I thought we were in the clear...oh well. As long as Paige is doing great, which she is - constantly moving, kicking, and whatever else she does. I guess thats the good thing about her being smaller, I still feel her moving around so much. Usually around this time, it starts to slow down and not feel like this. I'll try and keep you updated after tomorrow's appt.

34w2d

Ok, I know I have pretty much dropped off the face of the earth, but things got busy with working and the baby. Last time, I posted we had just moved into our new apartment and Pat was looking for a new job, and we were scheduled for our big u/s.

So where are we now? I'll start with a life update and then get into baby news. I'm still working at the same place and we are still living in the same apt (although we have thought several times about moving because of some issues, but they're getting better now). Patrick found a new job in NJ, about 30 mins away and is much happier...regular hours, regular people and good pay and benefits. He works Tues-Sat 9-6pm, which will be great when the baby comes - he'll be able to stay with her on Mondays. I'll be going to a schedule of working from home 3 days a week, so we'll only have 1 day a week that we will need childcare - whether its family or daycare, we havent decided yet. Patrick is also getting ready to apply to grad schools again, so we'll be busy doing applications before the baby comes. Work has been busy for me and its been hard to balance work and trying to relax, but its getting a little better now. Otherwise, things are as calm as can be expected.

Now for baby news. We're having a girl, which I think most of you know by now. Her name will be Paige Eireland and we're so excited. She has been doing great. She's in the small percentile when we go monthly for growth scans, but she is perfectly healthy and very active. She does not sit still much. At 32w, I started going for NSTs to monitor her heart rate and any contractions I might be having, as a precaution to the low hormone level they found in my blood around 19w. I also go for weekly fluid checks because of this. Around this time, I started having some mild contractions and the doctor sent us to labor and delivery for some extra monitoring, but there was no activity thankfully, just a possible infection that could have triggered the contractions. I finally was feeling better and things seemed quiet, but when I went in for my usual NST the last two times, I've had contractions that showed up on the monitor. The first time, the doctor was fine with it, but this second time, they seemed concerned and sent us for our third trip to L&D. Again, no activity and no signs of labor except for the contractions. I seem to be having contractions on a daily basis from about 12-bedtime. They're really not painful and are most likely Braxton Hicks, but the doctor still seemed worried. I go back on Monday for more monitoring. Today's appt showed no contractions, but it was first thing in the morning so its to be expected. Everyone keeps saying she'll be here by Thanksgiving and now my dad has went so far as to say 11/6 - 4w before my due date! I want her to stay in there and grow a little more. I'd be happy going to my due date and maybe even a little longer. As uncomfortable as I may get, it is for the best.

But if she does come early, I think we're ready.


My shower was now about 4w ago - I can't believe it. With everything thats been going on, I just now got my thank you notes out. I can't believe it. I had them written right away, but no addresses. Here are a few pics - it was hard to get good pictures since so many people were there, but it was so beautiful and we got so many amazing gifts for Paige. We're doing a turtle theme in the nursery so that is why there are turtles on the cake!














And we finally have the nursery done. I dont have any pictures yet, but will try to take some this weekend. The room is tiny and lighting is difficult. But we used the CoCoLa Turtle Bay bedding and it looks so amazing in the room. I got a recliner that rocks for a great price, and we used my dresser/changing table from when I was a baby. Everything came together so great.

Finally, some maternity pictures. I really wanted pictures, but didn't want to pay alot. So my dad and my aunt took us to the park this past weekend when the leaves were changing and got some amazing pics. These are just a few of my faves.













So thats it for now. Sorry again about not updating - I'll try to be better now that things are moving along!

19w2d - Lots Going On

Ok, let's start with the easier stuff and work down. We're officially moved into our new place. Pat and my dad basically moved everything in with some help from my cousins. We have all our necessities in and of course I've got the place decorated since I can't stand not living in a place that looks like our home. We're definitely short on closet space and have too much furniture since we downgraded from a 3br to a 2br. Its coming together, but I wish it was done. We still need to bring a few more things here to get settled. Otherwise, the place is nice. We had to deal with carpets that Pat says smell and way too many spiders on the ceiling in the bathroom. But it all seems to have resolved itself.

Our new car is great, but hard on gas - to be expected with a jeep though. Otherwise its great. However, my car, the Mazda, got broken into on Saturday. They broke the drivers window and stole our stereo. It happened while Pat is at work, so luckily his boss is paying the deductible for us, which is nice. But Pat is more dedicated to finding a new job now, since the place really isn't safe.

Now onto the baby side of things. Our appt last week went great. No issues, just heard the heartbeat, did some bloodwork, and scheduled our big u/s for the end of the month. This Tuesday though I had some pain in my left side and was feeling really anxious. So I went to the docs again. All was well. The pain was unrelated to the anxiousness - it was round ligament pain. And the anxiousness was probably a combination of stress, heat, and some other stuff. So that was fine. But then yesterday I got a call about my bloodwork results. The genetic aspect of the testing was fine, baby is healthy and great. But one of the hormone levels, estriol, was low and could mean the placenta is not getting enough nutrients to the baby. So they want me to start taking baby aspirin and doing monthly growth scans (u/s). I decided because of this to move my u/s up - so its scheduled for this coming Tuesday. I'm happy that they caught this and are going to be monitoring me (and of course that I get to see my baby monthly), however its so scary. I just want this little one to keep growing strong.

17w4d

I know I'm bad at blogging anymore. But it my defense, things have been busy. We were in serious apartment search mode and Pat's job has crazy hours. We just got back from a week long vacation with my parents at VA Beach. It was very necessary and I'm feeling much more relaxed. However, this week is going to be very busy and I'm already getting anxious. Not only do I have another OB appt on Tuesday. I'm so nervous. I'm not sure if I'm feeling the baby yet - I might be. I hope I am. I'm getting bigger, so thats a good sign. I will try and post a pic after Tuesday. Aside from the appt, we're also planning on moving on Tuesday since we found a place. We bought a new car today also, and this weekend is the 4th of July. Pat has a half day on Friday, but a full 12 hrs on Saturday. I know things will settle down once we're moved in. And hopefully on Tuesday we'll schedule our BIG u/s.

14w2d

Wow, I can't believe I'm 14w. It seems like things are going so slow but then it just hits you. We had our first OB appt yesterday. Lots of info and bloodwork...no u/s though. We did get to hear the heartbeat though - 161. Not as squirmy as last time but still moving around a bunch. I haven't put any weight on, so we're going food shopping with my parents this weekend to make sure there's enough here for me to eat. Otherwise all is well.

We're still with my parents right now. We've seen so many places, but I can't find one that is nice. It has never been this hard for us to find something. I'm trying to be patient, but its so hard living like this with our stuff all over the place. Other than that, things are quiet.

12w2d - Update

We're officially moved back to PA. Half of our stuff is with us at my parents and the rest is in the basement of my wonderful aunt. I've had to go into the office more for work and the baby is not liking the early mornings. I'm still getting some mild nausea and throw up once in awhile, especially early mornings when the baby wants to keep sleeping. Other than that, we have our first OB appt June 4th - its late, but I had to wait for my new insurance to kick in. Everything seems to be going well besides still being sick. My baby bump is starting to get bigger - that or its all the ice cream I'm eating (its all i've been wanting to eat). I seriously need to find some new work clothes since nothing really fits and even my shirts are getting small. They're not long enough to cover my bella band when I wear it. Shopping trip I guess!

Pat found a job already that is great, and still is waiting to hear about a teaching job in the area. We've started looking for apartments, but I'd like to hold off til July 1st if we can to see what our new paychecks look like and get a budget together. Nothing else going on - its cold and rainy here, but warm weather is expected this weekend. Let's hope so. I'll try to update more now that I'm feeling better and not sleeping as much.

9w2d - Best Husband Ever

Seriously, my husband is the best. I have not been pleasant or very nice and he just keeps doing things to help me out. I am nauseous all day long and the only time I get relief is when I sleep (and of course, my boss is extremely busy right now). I honestly haven't done ANYTHING around this house in close to 3 weeks. He has been cooking (to the best of his ability), running to the store daily (because we can't meal plan since I am so sick), cleaning, and just being all around great. On top of that, he bought me 27 Dresses the day it came out AND watched it with me last night. He really is amazing, and I already knew that, but its so much more now.

On a side note, I FEEL awful because we had to cancel our Toronto trip because we don't think I'd b e very much fun, since the baby barely gives me 2 hrs of peace anymore. But on a plus side, we'll be going broke, since eating out does seem to settle the nausea, since I can choose on the spot what I want to eat and I don't have to come home to a house that smells of food (horrible!!).

8w

Ok, so I'm going by the count the doctor is using, so I'm officially 8 weeks today, even though I'm really only 7w4d because of how late I ovulated. But instead of confusing myself, I'll go with what the doctor is using and just expect to be a few days late.

As for the ultrasound, it was perfect, baby is measuring a little behind, but by my calculations - right on track! We got to see the heartbeat - 151 beats per minute! So perfect!! I'm so excited and know that being as sick as I am will all be worth it. Now I need to find an OB back in PA and set up an appt for when I get there. I've technically graduated from the RE, but since I'm not going to see an OB in Buffalo, he will be who I call until I leave if there are any issues.

And on the morning sickness end of things, I'm still nauseous ALL day long with very little relief. I'm still not throwing up and I'm so grateful. But I went to acupuncture last night and it was no help. She recommended sea bands, but I've heard mixed reviews. I guess anything is worth a shot right now. I just love food so much and I don't know why this little one doesn't like it.

On the moving end, we started packing, but I feel like its going to take forever and this weekend is our last free weekend and then we have plans every weekend after. The plan is to move back to PA for the summer and most likely the winter depending on where Pat gets a job. He really wants me around our families at this time. So the move is scheduled for mid-May.

6w5d - I Know its Been Awhile

Things were pretty uneventful after we finally found the pumpkin. At night, I would only feel a little nauseous because of lingering smells wherever we were. But then while we were in Philadelphia this past weekend for a conference for Pat, morning sickness hit full on. I did not want to eat anything and everything was making me feel sick. So since Saturday, the little pumpkin has decided that food isn't so good. I haven't thrown up, but I am constantly nauseous. Yesterday, I had some crackers and Gatorade and took a B6 vitamin - I had 4 full hours of comfort and was able to grab some real food for dinner, but then it started right back up. I know not eating is part of the problem, but I don't feel good when I eat and I don't feel good when I do eat. I called the doctors office today and got the mean nurse. She said there is nothing they can give me, which I know is a lie - there are some things out there that could provide a little relief. I guess since I'm not actually throwing anything up, I don't warrant a pill to help me. Its not like I really want to take something because I don't, but I just want to make sure the baby is getting everything needed and right now I feel like the baby is not getting enough nutritional food.

Anyway, I guess I only have 6 more weeks from what I've read and heard. With trying to start packing these next few weeks, though, I hope I can be of some help to Pat. And on a great note, we get to see the little pumpkin on Monday and hopefully see and hear the little beating heart. I feel like this will all be real then. With all the scares we had in the beginning, this will be so amazing.

Our Little Pumpkin

5w1d

We found the baby!! Well, really the gestational sac, but its there and in the right spot! I'm so happy and relieved. I barely slept last night thinking about everything that coul happen today. Now I feel like I can really celebrate. We go back in 2 weeks to see the heartbeat!

4w6d - Update

The numbers are where they should be. Next ultrasound is Saturday, so hopefully we'll be able to see the little pumpkin!

4w6d - There is Hope

We *may* have seen the baby. The nurse seriously did the ultrasound for about 20 minutes, but she was not giving up til she found something. And right at the end, she found what possibly could be the sac. Its still really tiny, but we're all hopeful that its the baby. The doctor came in and said his gut is telling him that this is the baby and that everything will be ok. I know he was so serious, but of course still had to mention the ectopic. I went for more b/w today to see if the levels went up. I hope they did. The nurse mentioned that since the levels were so high originally and since we couldn't find anything at first, that we possibly could have had two, but now only have one. I pray that this is the case (or that there are still 2 little ones). I just have to keep remembering that "Life is fragile, but Hope is Strong." Please pray for our little pumpkin (thats what Pat is calling her/him). Everything about this process has been slow and steady, so hopefully that is the case here.

4w5d - Update

The numbers didn't quite double since Monday. I go back tomorrow for an ultrasound. Hopefully, we will be able to see something.

4w5d

Some uncertain and unsettling news today at the doctors...they couldn't find the gestational sac. Everyone was really great and supportive. They're telling me there could be a few reasons for this. The first is that it just may be too early and I have a baby that is taking its time developing, the second is that there could be multiples (I'm not sure why this would take longer to see, but apparently, it does), and finally, it could be an ectopic pregnancy. I went for more bloodwork today and go back tomorrow for an ultrasound. I hope my numbers are still doubling and that everything is ok. The doctor said it could only take a day to see something. I was totally panicked and still am a bit, but I don't have any symptoms of an ectopic - no bleeding, cramping, or pain. In fact the only symptoms I have of this pregnancy are sore breasts and constant hunger. I actually told Pat last night that there has to be two in there, since I don't think I'm supposed to be as hungry as I am. I pray that that is what is going on here. I'm hoping I went early enought for b/w today that I'll get a call back with results later this afternoons, if not I'll have to wait until tomorrow to hear anything at all. Please keep your fingers crossed and keep us in your prayers.