No Surprise for Us

I can't believe I'm saying this, but we're ready for another baby. Last month I called the GYN doc to get a script for Provera, because guess what? Still no period since I stopped breastfeeding. I thought maybe I just needed a jumpstart and maybe this month would be different, but no signs of ovulation and still no signs of AF (and of course a negative pregnancy test). So, back the RE we go. Since we moved, we'll be starting with a new doctor. I'm not sure how things will work this time around. I'm not sure if we'll have to redo all the tests and wait several months to start treatment or if we jump right in. I'm not sure which way I'd like for it to happen. Part of me would like some testing done to see if maybe we could find a cause so that if there is a next time, we know whats actually wrong. But part of me would like to jump right in. I'm still very uneasy about all of the treatments and hoping this appointment brings me some peace of mind. I really felt comfortable at our last RE and hope that there will be some comfort with this as well. Having a baby should not be this hard. And I'm feeling quite resentful today about all of this. Its probably because I tested today and because all the pain is coming pouring back. This feeling is one I wanted to avoid. I have a baby girl and want her to have my time and attention. I don't want to be distracted with the pain of negative pregnancy tests and all of the tests and drugs that go along with IF. I'm hoping its just a blah day because if I continue to have this feeling, I don't know if I'll want to continue on this path. And I so want to give my baby girl a little sister or brother. We had a picnic this weekend and there was another baby here and she just was having so much fun playing with him and climbing up on him. I can see my little girl being a big sister and I want so badly to see that happen. I can only hope that this new RE gives me a good feeling and a good plan that I can jump on board with. Please pass any good thoughts you can to us on Monday.

Our 3 Year Anniversary

Wow, I can't believe its been three years since Patrick and I got married...well, I lie, a part of me can believe it. Its been a long three years in terms of where we are now. After we got married, we got consumed with having a baby after just a few months. We were so naive then. We were planning which month we wanted to get pregnant so we would have our baby at just the right time of the year. Little did we know the journey that we would take these first three years of our marriage. Infertility has affected our lives in more ways than we ever could have imagined. It could have affected our marriage in so many different ways, but I think we did the best we could have with the hand we were dealt. We've grown closer than I ever could have imagined. Infertility has left me with such an amazing relationship with my husband. It is not something I would wish for ever, but I can see how we've grown together and how his love and support has strengthened us. Patrick is such an amazing husband and father. When I look back over these past three years and the joy and the pain we've experienced, the joyful and fun memories by far outweigh the pain. I'm sure its alot easier since we have our beautiful daughter with us, and that this blog would be much different today if we were still trying. But we were lucky, we are lucky. We've been blessed to have such an amazing life together. And I know we'll still have our tough times and fights, but its amazing to me that after everything we've been through, we're in such a great place in our life together. This gives me hope that we can accomplish anything together and that our marriage will continue to flourish. Happy Anniversary to Us!

In other not so sappy news, we're buying a house. We're supposed to close in 2 weeks. Everything seems to be on schedule. The house is in Slatedale, PA - about 20 minutes from my family. Its such a beautiful house and as my mom said, "is so you." Its an old Victorian house with three bedrooms, a sunroom, 1.5 baths and a nice size side yard.Its on its own little island with side roads surrounding it but no houses right next to it. Its the perfect house for our family to grow in. We're so excited!

Paige celebrated her 6 month birthday yesterday as well. She is getting so big. For those of you who don't check her blog, she is rolling everywhere and starting to crawl backwards. She is so active and inquisitive and just wants to go, go, go. She amazes me everyday. She just loves life! And we love her!!

Life with Paige

I know I haven't posted on here in awhile. I've actually started a blog just for Paige: paigeeireland.blogspot.com. I'm just not ready for my entire family to know our entire journey. Most of them know we had trouble, but some of the things we went through, I just don't know if I want to share with everyone. It was my journey with my husband and writing about it was my outlet during that time.

For those of you who want to know about me and our journey, I'll try to keep updating. Originally, Patrick and I had plans of trying for number two almost right away, which would probably be now. But we've decided that its just not what we want to do right now for several reasons. The main reason is Paige. She is so amazing and I love her more than I ever thought possible. We want our time with her and its no fair to start trying, possibly start treatments again, and bring a new baby into our lives so quickly. She deserves our time and we have time to give. We're not old enough to be worrying about this. Yes, we want to be young parents, but we have a year or so to spare. Secondly, the economy. It sucks and in our industries, the economy seriously affects us. If one of us lost our job, we would definitely struggle financially. Finally, being a parent is tough - much harder than we thought. I couldn't imagine being pregnant and having Paige and then having two under two. It would be difficult.

So, we're taking our time and enjoying this amazing little one!

Birth Story

Life with Paige has been super busy, but completely amazing. I wanted to right down a quick birth story.

It all started on Monday, December 1st. I went in for my regular NST and some bloodwork (since at the last appt b/p was elevated more than usual and we were going to schedule induction for that Thursday). My bloodpressure on Monday was 170/100 and was not going down. So the doctor sent us right over to the hospital for induction. We were not prepared at all, since we figured things would just wait til later in the week. I called my mom and she met us at the hospital and Patrick went to get tour bags.

It took forever for things to get started since they had to do more bloodwork and wait on the results. Finally, at 2pm we started the gel to ripen my cervix, since I was only 1 cm dilated. This would take 12 hrs and they we would start the pitocin at 2am in the morning. We started the gel, but also had to start an IV of potassium (which burns like wouldn't believe...I had to have it diluted and slower, so it took double the time, but was worth it so I wasn't in agony) and an IV of magnesium, since my levels were really low. The next 12 hrs went by really slowly and with all the monitoring and things going on, it was hard to get any rest. At 2am, they checked me and I was only 2cm dilated. They were about to start the pitocin when the doctor changed his mind and decided to start another med to ripen my cervix more. This was only supposed to take 2 hrs this time. So by around 5am, they checked me again and I was still only 3-4cm, but they started the pitocin. At some point later in the morning, contractions were getting stronger and I was in pretty much pain, so I asked for the epidural. Within the hour they had my epidural started and within an hour, it stopped working. They came and checked it and couldn't find a problem at first except for some drainage. Every time they readjusted it, it would work for a 1/2 hr and then stop working. This continued for awhile until hey decided to try to take it out and put it back in. Again this worked for a 1/2 hour and then stopped. By this time, it was like 4-5pm. The resident checked me and I was only 6 cm dilated. I had no progress over several hours. At this point, the resident and the nurse decided it was time for a c-section and I completely agreed. We just need to wait for my doctor to arrive.

Once the doctor got to the hospital, the anesthesiologists had to decide what to do for pain. They had to decide between the epidural (which still wasn't working), a spinal and putting me under. They decided they couldn't do a spinal because of the drainage from the epidural and some other reasons I don't remember. They decided to try the epidural with a stronger med. Luckily, it worked for the most part. Because it was stronger, I was able to lay on the side where the epidural wasn't working at all, so the meds could get there. This worked, so we were good to go. My mom got dressed to go into the OR with me (Patrick didn't think he could deal with the blood and such) and he was able to go to the nursery and wait for Paige. Things went great from there on. I don't remember much except seeing Paige and kissing her. Then they took her away and Patrick was able to be with her and let all the grandparents see her. Once I was stitched up, I went back to our room and they eventually brought Paige in for me to feed her. She was so perfect. After 31 hours of labor, I had our miracle baby. She was born at 6lb. 5 ounces. and 20 inches. She was so tiny, but she has the longest toes ever. It was hard not being able to get up and get her, but Patrick was amazing with her. He changed all the diapers and walked and rocked her when she needed to be comforted. It killed me to hear her cry, but he got her to calm down like he'd been a father forever. It was so natural for him and he looks so cute with her. Paige also did great with breastfeeding right away. When we left the hospital on Friday (yes we were there for over 90 hours), she was down to 6lbs - but by Monday (6 days), she was back up to 6lb. 6 ounces already.

Paige is absolutely amazing and we are so in love! Thanks for all the support through this journey. We'll continue to update with more stories about Paige Eireland.