No Surprise for Us

I can't believe I'm saying this, but we're ready for another baby. Last month I called the GYN doc to get a script for Provera, because guess what? Still no period since I stopped breastfeeding. I thought maybe I just needed a jumpstart and maybe this month would be different, but no signs of ovulation and still no signs of AF (and of course a negative pregnancy test). So, back the RE we go. Since we moved, we'll be starting with a new doctor. I'm not sure how things will work this time around. I'm not sure if we'll have to redo all the tests and wait several months to start treatment or if we jump right in. I'm not sure which way I'd like for it to happen. Part of me would like some testing done to see if maybe we could find a cause so that if there is a next time, we know whats actually wrong. But part of me would like to jump right in. I'm still very uneasy about all of the treatments and hoping this appointment brings me some peace of mind. I really felt comfortable at our last RE and hope that there will be some comfort with this as well. Having a baby should not be this hard. And I'm feeling quite resentful today about all of this. Its probably because I tested today and because all the pain is coming pouring back. This feeling is one I wanted to avoid. I have a baby girl and want her to have my time and attention. I don't want to be distracted with the pain of negative pregnancy tests and all of the tests and drugs that go along with IF. I'm hoping its just a blah day because if I continue to have this feeling, I don't know if I'll want to continue on this path. And I so want to give my baby girl a little sister or brother. We had a picnic this weekend and there was another baby here and she just was having so much fun playing with him and climbing up on him. I can see my little girl being a big sister and I want so badly to see that happen. I can only hope that this new RE gives me a good feeling and a good plan that I can jump on board with. Please pass any good thoughts you can to us on Monday.