Not Sure Where to Go From Here

So we met with the RE today. He really didn't have any answers. Basically he just told us about the risks of injectibles (multiples, over-stimulating, cancer, etc). Then the nurse taught us how to do the shots (didn't seem too difficult). All in all, the appointment was fine, but it wasn't what i expected and Pat doesn't seem too happy about any of this. He gets nervous so easily about things and is more worried that this could hurt me than anything. And I definitely understand...

I just don't know where to go from here. Pat said he wants to think about it tonight and talk about it tomorrow. I just don't know what we could possibly do. I want to be a mother more than anything in the world, I just don't know how far I want to go. I think I would do anything, but when should we stop. I thought by the time I was 25 I would have a baby or at least be pregnant. I know I have plenty of time still, but the thought of taking a break from this scares me. I think if we decide not to pursue the injectibles, I would need to take a long break from this. Jumping into the treatments and out of the treatments does not seem to be something my body likes or my emotions for that matter. I told Pat if we stopped "trying," it would probably be for a year. I can't imagine waiting potentially another 2 years (1 year off, time to get pregnant, and the 9mos of actally being pregnant) until I was a mother. I think I would be a different person...

Maybe thats what I need to do. Be a different person. Maybe God has other things in mind for me now. And because of this, I find myself trying to get back to a stronger relationship with God and my faith. I know I need my faith right now, I just find it so hard to know that Pat and I are being put through this. When I talked to Pat and tell him I'm mad at God - he told me he's never been mad and never questioned Him. This is so surprising since he has been through so much in his life. It made me realize that I need to stop questioning why we are going through this, and just start believing there is a reason and start asking for support, rather than focusing all my energy on being angry. So this is where I am right now. I've turned it over to God to help me make this decision. I know this struggle will be well worth it and that God has great things waiting for us. I know I need to start living my life and letting the infertility not be so consuming. But where does this leave us? Do we do the treatments or take the break? Maybe over the next week something will come to me.